Week of October 10th, 2012
By Michael Donner
Title: Twilight
Author: Stephenie Meyer
Pages: 544
Publication Date: October 5th 2005
Basic Plot: I’m not even going to read the crap plots posted on Amazon because they might lead someone to think this book or the ones that follow are actually worth reading. Basically an empty headed vapid teenage girl moves to a new school and falls for a 100 year old 18 year old. He in turns falls for her… creeper much?
My likes/dislikes: I have no likes. This book is utter and total crap. Its 544 pages of crap. I had never heard of Twilight or the following books until the summer of 2008. I was told by the girl at the bookstore that Twilight was the Harry Potter for vampire lovers. Well hell I thought. I love vampires and I love Harry Potter so I went and got it from my local library. There’s a lesson here kids. Don’t listen to high school girls where vampires are concerned.
There are literally hundreds of web pages devoted to why this book sucks. Essays have been written. So I am not going to try and cover it all in my little book corner. Lets just cover a few. This book was edited and proofread by Mr. Magoo apparently. I could have written this thing with less grammatical errors and I have to have my wife proof read everything I submit.
They are NOT vampires!. I get vampires have evolved and changed over the hundred plus years since Bram Stoker brought us the count but this is ridiculous. I have seen a lot of arguments about how vampires are destroyed by sunlight. Well folks that was something invented by Hollywood. Dracula was able to go about in daylight (pick up a book for gods sake people) but he sure as hell didn’t sparkle.
You have what amounts to a nearly immortal being(s) and the only they can think of is to keep going to high school over and over? Really?
Bella is written in such a way that in 500 plus pages we have no real idea what she looks like. I guess that was the point so that any tweenage girl could put herself in Bella’s place. Meanwhile it was like every other page we heard how perfect, chiseled, amazing Edward is. Over and over and over.
And did I mention creeper? The dude is a poster boy for pedophilia, spousal abuse whatever. He watches her while she sleeps tells her what to do to “protect” her. You get the idea.
The only thing positive I can say about this is Stephanie looks cute and if there is ever any sort of apocalypse then I don’t need to worry about lack of toilet paper or fire starting materials because there are so many copies of this god awful dreck out there.
Remember “Harry Potter is about confronting fears, finding inner strength and doing what is right in the face of adversity. Twilight is about how important it is to have a boyfriend.” – Robin Browne (although attributed to Stephen King).
My score: 1 out of 5 because I can’t give a zero
Price and format: Who cares? Don’t buy this book
Hey there mike i can see this! i love twilight!